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Friends [Apr. 7th, 2005|09:09 am]
[Current Mood |draineddrained]
[Current Music |Coldplay - Green Eyes]

So yesterday two of my best friends got arrested for something I introduced them to.  I depend on them to get me through the rough times and I thought my life was over because they're grounded till the June 17, and I wont be able to talk to them.  So in true Hadley fashion I had a huge breakdown.  So I talked to one of my other good friends and she helped me calm down a little.  And then one of my other friends came through for me.  He was there for me even though there was tension between us and we had been fighting.  I never give him enough credit or say thank you to him for all he does for me.  Last night made me realize that maybe I had been too quick to make some judgements on certain people.  And for that I am sorry.
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Bound Future [Apr. 6th, 2005|09:35 am]
[Current Mood |melancholymelancholy]
[Current Music |Streetlight Manifesto - Here's To Life]

Bound Future

I want us young and falsely innocent together in the mirror - hand print images dyed
dark and needle pricked
slow like thick black tea - sugar so sweet, honey in your coffee
and china doll hands growing in our gardens
crayon scribbled whispered letters on thick creamy paper
roughly torn from fairy tale after fairy tale
of glass, death, fruit of our enchantment

I want us gaunt and thinly veiled together behind a solid door - oak and cracked
no sounds will reach our shadowland
we, older and drinking cheap wine - it tastes like foreign words, bitter between my teeth
with dead flowers weeping on the kitchen table
lipstick and tear traces on our tissue cheeks
balled into cat toys in the dusty bones
of our unpainted wood, stained glass, trapped music box world

I want us aging and plump rose cheeked together in our better years - we are fed
on ripe tomatoes
on bitter dark espresso and tongues - dripping ringed stains on our knuckles and gums
piles of violets and peaches on the door mat
we carved verses into tables at restaurants in our young times
ripped them into our skin but now we are safe
of our no longer selves, our bound hearts and wrists, never lost to those garden lions

I want us cold and gray in all colors together in a crooked chair - pictures on the walls
of the walls around us in faded sheets
penicillin and children's aspirin - fake grape, cherry, orange dyed our tongues
those synthetic fruits grow and flourish in spidery bottles
pointed like letters crumpled beneath out pillows
we tore them in aching backs and restless nights
of our slowed breath, shallow breath, no more breath.

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ROADTRIP!!! [Mar. 28th, 2005|01:00 am]
[Current Mood |excitedexcited]
[Current Music |Spoon - The Way We Get By]

So I now have some tentative plans for the summer. I'm going on a roadtrip with the oh so lovely ladies, Chelsea and Rachel, to New York to see a Broadway Musical! I can't wait. After seeing the Moulin Rouge in Paris last summer, I've been wanting to see something on Broadway very badly. And now I finally might get to, and it'll be with two of my favorite girls. YAY! I'm so excited! Now if only we knew what we wanted to go see. There are so many choices that look good that we can't decide. Any suggestions?
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Interactive Survery Time!!!! [Dec. 20th, 2004|02:14 am]
[Current Mood |coldcold]
[Current Music |Snow Patrol - How To Be Dead]

Ok. Since no one actually reads this stupid thing, this probably won't turn out as well as I had hoped. Oh well. Be cool and fill it out if you're bored enough to be reading this in the first place. Come on, you know you want to.

What Would You Do If

I cried:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I started smoking:
I stole something:
I were hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got in a fight and you were there:

What Do You Think About My

Choice of music:

Would You

Be my friend:
Tell me the truth, no matter what:
Lie to make me feel better:
Spread rumors about me:
Keep a secret if I told you one:
Loan me some cash:
Hold my hand:
Take a bullet for me:
Keep in touch:
Love me:

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I LOVE COURTNEY "CORN DAWG" DEREMER [Dec. 2nd, 2004|06:55 pm]
[Current Mood |gigglygiggly]
[Current Music |Ben Folds - Rockin' The Suburbs]

Cournee: h is for her hotness
Cournee: a is for her ass
Cournee: d is for her dont fuck w/ me attitude
Cournee: l is for her lovliness
Cournee: e is for her weird ear
Cournee: y is for her yucky cigarettes
Cournee: and i love her
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E E Cummings - esque [Nov. 7th, 2004|07:49 pm]
[Current Mood |restlessrestless]
[Current Music |Hanson - Crazy Beautiful]






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(no subject) [Oct. 25th, 2004|03:43 pm]
[Current Mood |blahblah]
[Current Music |Thousand Foot Krutch - This Is A Call]

childhood monsters


echoes chase each other across my walls

like shadows and whispers of memories

painful and black, slithering like snakes

slivers of shattered glass

cutting my feet, scars still there

like the scars on my wrists, death wishes

never to be carried out

pale and silver, long slender fingers

reaching to grab, pull, tear

and we hide

under covers, under pillows,

from things watching

in closets

under beds

our childhood monsters

to claim us

and our lives


the shards of glass

once my mirror

reflected my image


distorted by

scars and cracks

interrupting the smooth moon shaped lake of glass

now gone

never to return


and memories, harsh and bright

dampen tissues and eyes

and purge me of tears

and the rivers of salt water that once flooded

my vision, dry up

as the shadows dance

and race

and echoes since old songs

and horrible voices

tear at my ears

and old shouts

and ancient clouds

color my pale cheeks

and my long hair knots and pulls

and headaches pound

in my finger tips

sighs sounds


if you caress a shadow,

it purrs and arches its back

like a cat

so i grab one

and hold on tight

and wrap my arms around it

my shadow glances at me

through slit black eyes

and hisses

and nimbly leaps away

to catch the memories

to teat them apart

and spread the pieces

across gray skies

where they become clouds


and i stare

at my image

reflected over and over

thousands of times

in the glass shards

i walk across them

barefoot and open

the window

i leap out

and drift down

through the fog

to the hills and lakes

nevermore to be

and i am an echo

a memory

a shadow

a glass shard


like faded silk and torn lace

slick ice and dried flowers

that the wind blows


and the air shimmers and smells

of death


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It's about time I did a stupid survey... [Sep. 21st, 2004|02:21 pm]
[Current Mood |geekygeeky]
[Current Music |AFI - Silver and Cold]

- last book you read: Sweetblood by Pete Hautman
- last movie you saw: Ghost World
- last movie you saw on the big screen: Dodgeball
- last phone number you called: Chelsea
- last show you watched on TV: The Weekend Sex Talk
- last song you heard: Silver and Cold - AFI
- last thing you had to drink: Sierra Mist
- last thing you ate: French Fries
- last time you showered: This morning, before class
- last time you cried: Last night. I did something horrible and unforgivable.
- last time you smiled: Today.
- last time you laughed: At lunch.
- last person you hugged: My mom.
- last person you kissed: Mark
- last thing you said: "Call me, and maybe I’ll return your call.”
- last person you talked to online: Josh
- last person you talked to on the phone: Chelsea
last thing you smelled: Chlorine

Do you...
- smoke?: Occasionally
- do drugs?: Nope
- drink?: Come on, I’m in college
- sleep with stuffed animals?: No
- have a crush?: Perhaps
- have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: No
- have a dream that keeps coming back?: Not right now
- play an instrument?: Clarinet, Bass Clarinet, Alto Sax, and some guitar and electric bass
- believe there is life on other planets?: Sure
- read the newspaper?: Every once in a while
- have any gay or lesbian friends?: Yes
- believe in miracles?: Umm?
- believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: Yes
- consider yourself tolerant of others?: For the most part
- consider police a friend or foe?: Umm?
- like the taste of alcohol?: Not really
- have a favourite Stooge?: Curly
- believe in astrology?: Not really
- believe in magic?: Sometimes
- pray?: I'm agnostic, so, no.
- go to church?: No
- have any secrets?: No, I tell everyone everything about me. Of course I have secrets.
- have any pets?: Yes, a dog and a cat.
- go to or plan to go to college?: UVA, baby!
- have a degree?: No
- talk to strangers who instant message you?: Sometimes, depends on my mood.
- wear hats?: Sometimes
- have any piercings?: Yes, 3 in my ears.
- have any tattoos?: I wish
- hate yourself?: Sometimes, yes
- have a "hot spot"?: What?
- wish on stars?: Sometimes
- like your handwriting?: No
- have any bad habits?: Yes. You didn't ask what they are, therefore, I am not telling you.
- believe in witches?: Yes
- believe in Satan: Perhaps. No, not really.
- believe in ghosts?: Sure
- believe in Santa?: No
- believe in the Easter Bunny?: No
- believe in the Tooth Fairy?: No
- have a second family?: No
- trust others easily?: No, not easily. I wish that I did.
- like sarcasm?: Yes
- take walks in the rain?: Sometimes
- kiss with your eyes closed?: Usually
- sing in the shower?: Sometimes

Have You...
1: Been kissed?: Yes
2: Done drugs?: No comment
3: Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: No, I’m not a big fan of Oreos
4: Been on stage?: Yes, but I’m sure I didn’t enjoy it.
5: Dumped someone else?: Yes
6: Gotten in a car accident?: Yes, with my house and a wheelbarrow.
7: Watched "Punky Brewster"?: No
8: Been in love?: Yes

9: Shampoo: Pantene Pro-V
10: Toothpaste: Colgate Total Whitening
11: Soap: Oil of Olay
12: Type of soup: The vegetable soup my mom makes
13: Room in your house: Third Floor
14: Instrument: Perhaps drums, but I like many.

15: Coffee or hot chocolate?: Hot Chocolate
16: Big or little?: Depends
17: Lace or satin?: Lace
18: New or old?: Depends
19: Neve Campbell or Jennifer Love Hewitt?: Neve Campbell
20: Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt?: Brad Pitt
21: Vogue or Material Girl?: Either
22: Jeans or cords?: Both
23: Sweater or sweatshirt?: Sweatshirt
24: T shirt or tank top?: I like both.
25: Skirt or dress?: Both, neither, I don't wear 'em much.
26: Wool or cotton?: Cotton
27: Rose or Lily?: Lilies
28: The way it is or the way it was?: Yes...
29: Oldies or pop?: I like both.
30: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: No
31: Do you have a best friend?: Not really

In the last 24 hours, have you...
32: Cried?: Yes.
33: Helped someone?: Probably not.
34: Bought something?: Yes
35: Gotten sick?: No
36: Gone to the movies?: No
37: Gone out for dinner?: No
38: Said "I love you"?: Yes
39: Written a real letter?: No
40: Moved on?: Not that I know of.
41: Talked to an ex?: No
42: Missed an ex?: Yes
43: Written in a journal?: Yes
44: Talked to someone you have a crush on?: Perhaps
45: Had a serious talk?: Yes
46: Missed someone?: Yes
47: Hugged someone?: Yes
48: Fought with your parents?: No
49: Fought with a friend?: Yes

Do you.....
50: Wear eye shadow?: Rarely
51: Put on a "front"?: Probably
52: Kiss on the first date?: I’ve been known to.
53: Have a crush on someone?: Perhaps
54: Eat with your mouth open?: Only when purposely grossing Josh out at lunch
55: If you got a tattoo, where would you get it, and what would be?: A crescent moon on my right shoulder blade
56: What color is your floor/carpet in your room?: White
57: What was the last CD you bought?: It’s been a while… Tenacious D forever ago
58: How did you spend last summer?: Europe and working
59: When's the last time you showered?: This morning
60: Are you tired?: Always
61: Are you lonely?: Almost always
62: Are you happy?: *sigh* Sometimes
63: Are you wearing pajamas?: No. Jeans and a tank-top
64: Are you talking to someone online?: Not right now
65: What is your astrological sign?: Cancer
66: What is the sign of your crush/interest/spouse?: No clue

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aw, i love my friends [Sep. 20th, 2004|02:31 pm]
[Current Mood |nostalgicnostalgic]

hanabear87: wow...that makes me happy beyond anything
ZeroHour1367: what?
hanabear87: u coming home
hanabear87: it just made my day

god, that was exactly what i needed to hear. i love hana ever so much. and im so glad i get to go home and see her on her birthday. she rocks on so many levels, its crazy. *hugs* to hana. thanks.
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Ode to Josh [Sep. 17th, 2004|02:04 am]

There once was a fairy named Josh
Who thought that he looked oh so posh
He was sadly mistaken
Fashion victim in the makin'
Cause he still dressed in Osh Kosh B'Gosh!


There once was a ska kid named Josh
In the pit he loved to skank and to mosh
He rocked out at the shows
And got kicked in the nose
And oh how the blood, it did slosh.


There once was a loser named Josh
Whose self he liked never to wash
His hair was real greasy
He smelled just like feces
And passersby said "Oh My Gosh!"

Hadley is a Big Fat Ugly Whore

There once was a lass named Hadley
Who scored on her math tests quite badly
She thought it a gimmick
To jot down some limericks
When she ought have took notes, so sad. Lee.

In case you didn't figure it out, the first three are by me, and the last one is by Josh.  The End.
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